In need of blogging advice

I'm not exactly sure where to begin. I fear that what I am about to post is more of the "journaling" variety, but I also think that it's related to the issues of this blog, namely issues of race and especially how to talk about race and even more specifically, how to talk about race when the conversation starts to get uncomfortable, especially because you are no longer "preaching to the choir."

Let me begin by reiterating why I started this blog. I am working on a book project and wanted to make myself accountable in terms of writing a little something every week on the topic of race in America, especially under the phrase "mixed race" and my loose interpretation of that phrase. I was hoping to have interesting conversations with people about race and willing (or so I believed) to engage with people about race even if they didn't agree with me--that I didn't just want to "preach to the choir."

Now I'm going to start splitting some hairs. I want conversation but not fighting. I say I want dialogue, but I'm not sure I want debate. I want people to feel safe in this space, but I also admit that talking about race isn't always comfortable.

But what do I really want?

Recently, a series of exchanges on the post asking people to define race ("What exactly, IS "race" (or is it just race)? -- January 18, 2008) led to some exchanges that left people (including me) feeling uncomfortable and on the defensive. In fact, one person wrote a very thoughtful blog post about it (and has given me permission to link to it here), which further challenged me to think about how I'm moderating comments and the kinds of discussions I want to be having and the exhaustion factor in all of this.

And then, just now, I rejected my first comment. I don't want to go into the particularities for privacy reasons, but it feels weird to have invoked my "rules" (which you can see on the right sidebar) as a reason for not publishing the comment, but ultimately I felt like the "spirit" of the comment was not respectful nor did it suggest a desire for conversation but rather seemed, to me, dismissive and looking for a fight.

And I don't want to fight. I'm not trying to make an argument, unless you think it's making an argument to say that I want an end to racism, and I want to find a way to engage in anti-racist teaching and practices.

I've already written about the myriad ways that I am privileged, so I feel a bit sheepish saying that I'm exhausted, but today I am. Because I don't want to reveal personal information, I won't say what is currently adding to my exhaustion, but truly, even just trying to work through the intricacies of blogging etiquette, and the additional layer of blogging etiquette with race (or other controversial topics like politics/gender/sexuality/class) makes me feel really tired and unprepared to do the work I need to be doing (ie: writing a book so I get tenure and can keep working on anti-racist issues and teaching).

So here's my call, especially to anyone who blogs: what is the right etiquette about commenting and moderating comments--and is there a "right" etiquette or is there just trying to go with your gut? Where is the line between wanting to have a conversation and not wanting to engage in a fight where there's just back and forth arguing and potentially unhelpful and hurtful comments on both sides? Where do you draw the line in terms of wanting to have meaningful dialogues with people who may not share my own views of race and yet wanting to be on the same page with everyone I'm talking to.

Do I just want to preach to the choir?

This is what I'm really asking myself, and I don't have an answer. The teacher in me says no, that's ridiculous--if I were in the classroom this wouldn't be given a second thought. But this isn't my day job, this is a side project for the real project of writing a book. And I don't have tenure and thus feel a bit more vulnerable, whether that is real or imagined, it's in my head so it may as well be real.

I have so much respect for a blogger like Tenured Radical who can take on all sorts of comments and handle it with aplomb and intelligence and articulateness. But I'm not Tenured Radical, I'm ... well, untenured-liberal-trying-to-be-progressive-wanting-to-try-out-ideas.

Anyway, any advice would be appreciated from the wisdom of the blogosphere.