What is the point of marriage?

I suppose that coming back from a wedding it would be natural for me to ask this question. Let me first say that my reflections right now have nothing to do with the wedding I just returned from, which was lovely and the couple in question seem to be happily wed and hopefully will stay that way for a long, long time.

But weddings and marriage have been on my mine lately because I've been thinking about inter-racial relationships/marriages and about same-sex/queer marriages, especially the upcoming challenges that we are going to see coming out of California and making their way to the Supreme Court.

Once upon a time marriage was a contract--a way of aligning two families together out of economic and political necessity or to solidify power. Love really wasn't part of the equation, and status was paramount: everyone wants to marry up or at least marry advantageously. Just think of all those Jane Austen novels, especially poor Mrs. Bennett worrying about marrying off all her daughters. Yes Mrs. Bennett is a ridiculous character but her anxiety is not frivolous: marrying well ensured your literal livelihood as a woman in an era when there were few choices for earning a respectable income (we all know what women are forced to resort to in order to ensure their survival).

Fast forward to the 21st century and we want marriage to do SO MUCH--we expect our spouses to be our soul mates, passionate lovers, best friends, sound financial advisers, nurturing parents, reliable roommates (who will do the dishes without being asked), and life partners. It's a pretty tall order.

This week's edition of Newsweek contained a piece, "Americans Marry Too Much" in which one tidbit at the beginning declares that "We [Americans] divorce, repartner, and remarry faster than people in any other country" which, according to an expert they cite, Andrew Cherlin, is not good: "Many of the problems faced by America's children stem not from parents marrying too little but rather too often."

And in The New York Times today there is an article about Ted Olsen, a conservative constitutional lawyer who most famously worked for Ronald Reagan working to overturn affirmative action policies and who most recently fought on behalf of George W. Bush's questionable 2000 election returns. But right now Olsen is filing a brief in California to overturn Proposition 8 because he believes that same-sex marriage is a fundamental right, a civil right, that we will see during our lifetime and that he is working to ensure for all gay and lesbian couples.

The article mentions conservative arguments against same-sex marriage--that it is against religious doctrine, that it is not good for families, especially since same-sex couples cannot "naturally" procreate. Which just seem to be bogus arguments, especially the latter in this day and age of increased reproductive technology (InVitro-Fertilization) and adoption.

So what is the point of marriage? To ensure a stable society? To solidify the nuclear family? To join families together for political and financial expediency? As a symbol of one's undying love for one's soulmate? Because we are told from an early age that this is a rite of adulthood--to marry someone we find compatible and to raise a family.

Like everything else about humanity, it seems like marriage should be something that evolves. We certainly no longer marry solely or most purposely to create political alliances. And the face of families have changed for a while now. So is it really a stretch to think that same-sex marriages are so radical? If people really believe in the sanctity of marriage, if they really think that people are marrying less or divorcing more, than wouldn't same-sex marriage be the next logical step in ensuring that marriage, as an institution will be preserved.

Asian Americans: we're not as conservative as you think

I recently came across this entry in Angry Asian Man about the National Asian American survey that polled Asian American voters across the nation (in 8 different languages--so it's the most comprehensive political polling of this particular racial group to ever happen) and discovered that overwhelmingly Asian Americans supported Obama (41%) over McCain (24%).

But what it also revealed this past Wednesday was that 57% of Asian American voters in California opposed and planned to vote against Proposition 8. For those of you not in the know, Prop 8 is the measure meant to overturn same-sex marriages--you know that post I wrote in May making the connection between banning gay marriage and anti-miscegenation laws and those happy pictures of couples I posted back in June? Well the forces of hate are at it again. I tried to think of something less polemical, but it's hard not to think that someone is in need of a hug when a Prop 8 supporter like Mr. Bill Tam goes on record in a prominent newspaper as saying the following:

Gay marriage supporters "have very cleverly portrayed homosexuals as a kind of minority,'' Tam said. "They've been very effective in portraying it as a civil rights issue, and this is very much a concern for us. We hope to convince Asian-Americans that gay marriage will encourage more children to experiment with the gay lifestyle and that the lifestyle comes with all kinds of disease,'' Tam said.

Oh Bill Tam, you poor misguided soul, with your rabble-rousing, fear mongering message of equating a particular type of person, a minority group, with an unsavory lifestyle rife with disease. This sounds familiar...this sounds like... WAIT A MINUTE! This is what people used to say about Chinese people living in California in the late 19th C.! Chinese women were accused of being promiscuous and lascivious and prone to all sorts of venereal diseases, and Chinese men were also accused of being nasty rat eaters who allowed vermin to infest their homes and who subsequently brought about all sorts of disease! Oh Bill Tam, you are using late 19th C. rhetoric by white Californians that led to the Chinese Exclusion Act in 1882! Oh Bill Tam, you are using RACIST RHETORIC to support a bill meant to exclude a group of people for no other reason than bigotry and prejudice. Ironic, no?

Here's the thing though, the Bill Tams of the world aside: Asian Americans are not as conservative a group as you may think. I mean, I know that there are these stereotypes of ultra-conservative Asian Americans who only care about money (hence the number of registered Chinese American Republicans, which my Mom likes to remind me of recently--she's a rabid Democrat but has some Republican leaning friends and right now they are driving her CRAZY) or who come from traditional Asian cultures that frown on gay lifestyles (or which don't even recognize queer as as category).

Anyway, for all you Asian Americans in California and across the nation that are taking non-conservative stances in the upcoming election season, I say BRAVO! Especially bravo because you are breaking stereotypes about conservative and a-political Asian Americans. Especially my own family--I want to give a particular shout out to them (you know who you are) because after all, how could I have become so social justice minded if it weren't inculcated in me from the very beginning?

[Next Up: Asian Americans and inter-racial dating--are there still tabboos? Tune in next time!]